Wandering Blind in Our Town

We all wander around blind, stepping on each other's feelings and wasting our opportunities to truly see and love each other. So laments the tormented Mr. Stimson in the third act of Ned Rorem's setting of Our Town. Mrs. Gibbs firmly corrects the frustrated former choir leader, insisting that it isn't always like that, but it's obvious from her strong advice to Emily not to go back and re-live life that she's also seen the mindlessness with which she lived life, and her new awareness stings.

Tonight was the closing night for ISU's production of Rorem's Our Town. It was a beautiful, soul-exposing show, well sung, well staged, well played. Vanessa Ballam's direction illuminated everything, making it glow with the heart one doesn't even see consistently in professional theatre. Scott Anderson with his excellent orchestra made music out of Rorem's complex score (Bravi, tutti!).

The character of Mr. Stimson (Austin Baum in an inspired bit of casting) stood out to me as possibly the most blatant illustration of the mindless, blind living the playwright wants to warn us about. One of those people Mr. Gibbs points out isn't really suited to small town life, Stimson is a man of some cultivation and deep sensibilities who strives to realize a delicate, otherworldly beauty but finds precious little of it in the singing of his choir. Paradoxically, his solitary vision isolates him from the beauty in those around him. "We loved you in our way," Mrs. Gibbs says. As a mortal, it was a love he couldn't receive. Trying to deaden the pain of his loneliness with alcohol, he further blurred his vision of what was present while clarifying his vision of what he was missing. It's a spiral that leads him to take his own life. I understand that spiral. My drug of choice is TV.

Emily (beautifully sung and capably acted by Taylor Schultz) has her own painful experience of seeing life as it truly is. Spoiler alert: it's only with post-mortal clarity that Emily can truly experience the feelings, the hopes, and the pain of those that surrounded her in life. It's all too much for her and she retreats back into the peace of death with its own kind of blindness.

I disagree that we humans lack the capacity to truly see the life and love around us. Many of us can see with our hearts, but the experience is too exquisite and, like Emily, we have to turn away. It takes a lot of strength to live life mindfully and it's not something we can sustain. Our blindness is the most human of our many frailties.

Having only read the play once, I was unprepared for the impact the opera would have on me. I came away from it with a poignant sense of the inevitable. It also struck me that with all of us stumbling blindly around, whether by choice or weakness, it's important for us to make kindness our default response. We can only hope that someone will do the same for us.

My Name is Bill and I'm a Republican

It's true! My name is William Clegg and I am a registered Republican.

This evening, Dr. Kert Howard, one of Pocatello’s foot doctors, called me on the phone. He was looking for Bill Clegg. There is or was an art teacher named Bill Clegg in the Poky school system, a distant relative I’ve never met. The doctor might possibly have been looking for that Bill Clegg, but it was my number he called so, after establishing I wasn't that Bill Clegg, I continued the conversation. After all, my first name is William and I am a registered Republican.*

Dr. Howard is running for a seat on the local school board, trying to unseat incumbent Janie Gebhardt in the election on Tuesday.  He was calling me, a fellow Republican, to drum up some support for his bid. He assumed that as a Republican I was also “conservative”.  The “conservative” vs. “liberal” gambit was all he felt he needed to play until I started asking him some questions about why he was running for office and what he planned to do once there.

Regarding his motivation for running, what I gathered is that Dr. Howard supports our local education system. He believes education is worth spending public funds on. He wouldn’t have been able to become a doctor without the foundation of a good education, which was obtained through the public system. Where he believes our current board members are lacking is in their apportioning of funds. He believes the district isn’t spending enough to attract and keep good teachers. It was implied that, once in office, he would be able to look at the budget and correct the problem.

When I asked him to specify where the funds would come from to pay those teachers, we got into a discussion of the percentage of the Bannock County budget that goes into education, not to mention how much is spent statewide on education each year. My impression was that he believes there is enough money in the budget already but that it is being less effectively spent elsewhere. Ultimately, he didn’t specify exactly where in the budget he would trim funds to then reapportion to teachers. (I’m guessing that’s because he hasn’t actually seen the budget or developed a plan.)

Another point of our conversation was that Janie Gebhardt is a very nice lady but that she’s “really pretty liberal.” It was some kind of mild pejorative. The point was made two or three times. Obviously, I was expected to react negatively to the word “liberal” and that should determine my vote right there. It was a sad example of how our politics have regressed to mere name calling. (In all fairness, there was no venom in his voice and it was clear that he had no hard feelings against his opponent. He was just doing what had worked for other Republicans and Democrats up the line.)

I asked the doctor if he had a website, Facebook page, or other web or social media presence to which I could refer and, possibly, refer my friends. He didn’t. He mentioned the website he had previously had for his state senate run a few years back and how easy it was to set it up. This time around, he didn’t have much of a budget, was really busy with his practice (which makes me wonder how much time he's going to have to be on the board), and was running the campaign on a shoestring. At that point, it was feeling like the call was running far longer than he had planned so I didn’t push how simple it would be to set up a Facebook page.

As we were ending our conversation, Dr. Howard thanked me for “grilling” him. I’m sure he didn’t expect it. Frankly, I think that word’s a little strong to use to describe my questioning. I was direct but always polite and friendly. He should have had better answers for me, though. I expect more from those seeking to publicly serve me and my fellow citizens, especially the younger ones.

Dr. Howard, judging solely from our phone call, I think you’re a nice enough guy, and I agree with you that we need to be paying our teachers more. They work so hard, are under so much pressure from so many sides, and we aren't even close to fairly compensating them for putting up with it all. That said, public service isn't a high school popularity contest. You’re going to have to do a lot better than the contents of our phone call to convince me you deserve to take the place of an individual who, at the very least, already understands the detailed daily workings of her job on the board and, at most, is a capable, experienced, and dedicated public servant.

* (I believe in representative rather than direct government, so I can honestly call myself a Republican in its truest sense, in case you were wondering. This handy belief allows my vote to have a more direct effect in local and state politics.)

Tyler Glenn is a Nice Guy

I met Debbie and Tyler Glenn this evening. Lovely people. I hope he finds the peace he's seeking and I hope more people will listen to her message. 

http://www.billboard.com/articles/news/magazine-feature/7445957/neon-trees-tyler-glenn-meditate-finding-peace-gay-mormon-church

A Misguided Message of Frustration

I just submitted this email to NPR's All Things Considered.

"To the hosts of NPR’s All Things Considered:

I have a bone to pick with you.

In 1991, I was a young college student in Rexburg, Idaho, working at the Ricks College NPR affiliate, KRIC. Public Radio was entirely new to me then and I was deeply impressed by the news reporting I heard every day. Its integrity and fairness was far above any broadcast news to which I had previously been exposed. I came to trust NPR over any other news source, confident that at last I was hearing thoughtful, objective reporting on the events of the day.

That trust came to an end during this past election cycle.

I was fully awakened to NPR News’ political agenda during the primaries. Suddenly, descriptors became glaringly obvious in reference to the various candidates. Certain candidates became known as the “front-runner” or “Republican favorite”. Others were the “dark horse” or even the “long shot”. The use of the “front-runner” descriptor in connection with the names Trump and Clinton became so pervasive that it was impossible not to notice the bias accorded them and be angered by it. These were not harmless words employed to make the prose pop or the sounds sizzle. They were subtle forms of electioneering on the part of NPR News which has no business playing politics in any way. Perhaps this occurred in past elections, but this is the first time it was so obvious it jolted me out of my trusting complacency.

What would have been preferable? What would have ensured that NPR maintained its trusted status in the ears of this listener? To begin with, if descriptors had to be used, it would have been better to say things like “presidential hopeful” or “Democratic candidate”. Terms like these are purely factual, with no weight added to them. They leave the value judgments to the listeners, just as they should be.

Perhaps I’m naïve in supposing that you are different than the commercially-controlled news outlets. Perhaps I’m tilting at windmills to expect that you would serve the people with ironclad integrity, reporting the news in a manner as unbiased and as truthful as is humanly possible. Do you remain servants of the public or have you completely sold your soul? Up until now, I ignored the not-quite-commercials disguised as underwriting that bookend NPR news modules. Perhaps I should have been paying much closer attention to them.

I have been considering my words since the defeat of Bernie Sanders. Though I now address this missive to All Things Considered as you are the flagship of NPR News, my words are intended for the entire NPR News organization. You have lost my trust and support. I am confident I am not alone. Since November 9, I haven’t been able to listen to NPR News in any form without being physically sickened by the sound of it. The gambit played in which you took part to ensure the victory of one candidate over another has backfired and now all of us will suffer the consequences. (Are you listening, Ari Shapiro? You should be especially worried about this.) Given the incoming administration’s view of public entities, it is questionable whether you have the time to regain your integrity before the karmic axe hanging high above your heads starts its descent and it’s too late to save you or any of us. It might be already."

Orwell and Sanders: Today's Animal Farm

George Orwell's Animal Farm has been on my mind a great deal lately. That fable of the foibles that corrupted a grassroots movement is a warning to those of us who would see great changes occur in the United States and the world, changes that we feel would make this world a better place. Our desires, like those of the animals, are mainly to have a better life. Nothing extravagant, just better. We're tired of working to exhaustion just so someone else can profit from it. But in the story, something went wrong...very, very wrong, and it's taken me a while to put my finger on just what it was.

Yesterday, I shared on Facebook a Bernie Sanders campaign video created for the citizens of New York. Its message is inspiring, calling on us to stand together instead of letting our differences be exploited by divisive fear. Nothing harmful in that, right? Isn't that just the message we need right now? For those of us in Pocatello, aren't we seeing in a very real way how much we need that message?

Well, yes it is! It's exactly what we need to hear. We shouldn't blame Muslims for our troubles! Immigrants aren't purveyors of crime! Gays aren't the enemy! Women aren't the enemy! Our enemy is... We need to stand together against... The true blame is on...

Wait. That's...divisive fear. Those big bankers and corporate bosses are homo sapiens too. I don't think he realizes it. He just became his own enemy.

You see, that right there is where the animals went wrong and so will we if we're not careful. The animals that spearheaded their revolution ended up looking just like those they had overthrown. Why? How did that happen? How DOES that happen over and over again, not just in stories but in our own history? How did Bernie let that happen in his own ad?

"Be careful who you make your enemy for you shall become them." Most of my friends know how hotly I "feel the Bern" right now, but this is one very important point where I disagree with him, and incidentally is why any comparison of Bernie to Jesus Christ makes me wince. Bernie is a good man, with an all-too-rare vein of integrity as wide as the Grand Canyon...but he's flawed just like the rest of us. He's the best by far of the current crop but he's not our Savior. In the video, Senator Sanders encourages us to tell the angry and disenfranchised that their righteous anger should be directed towards their true oppressors, but this is how the cycle is perpetuated and why Christ's message of love through forgiveness is so crucial to breaking it.

We need to stop making our own enemies.

When we declared Communism and the Soviet Union our enemy, didn't we start exhibiting many of the same features of their society, complete with our own KGB and propaganda machines? How many terrorist organizations have we supplied with money and guns to topple regimes in other countries, becoming in essence terrorists ourselves? It's very uncomfortable but if we look at America today, we often look like our supposed enemies because we are. We are our own enemies. We need to stop making enemies. We need to assuage the anger. We need to calm the troubled waters and stop the hate from the inside out.

I'm not saying the people of the United States or the world should submit to continued exploitation, and frankly ending that practice could include some firm and even forceful behavior, but the motivation behind our actions makes all the difference in the world to the consequences that will follow. Lasting change is motivated by love.

A great if fictitious example with which most people are familiar is Darth Vader. He wanted good things and was trying to fight for what he felt was right, trying to fight for positive change, but he allowed his anger to rule him, to blind him, and he became the very thing he started fighting against. Anger and fear lead to selfishness which is the opposite of love and are the very things that corrupt virtue and usurp nobility.

If this rising progressive movement is to escape the failure of past attempts, unassailable virtue and steadfast nobility rooted in wise and determined love are essential. While we must acknowledge our feelings of anger and hurt, those feelings must not be allowed to turn into hate.

"I say unto you love your enemies. Bless them that curse you, do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you and persecute you." This is the real revolution. This is how we ALL will win.

Back to the Future

October 21, 2015 was Back to the Future day. I'm a little late in observing it, but in the spirit of Steven Spielberg, I offer this post:

Tomorrow, the City of Pocatello is holding an election to determine who will fill three seats on its city council. Council member Eva Nye is retiring, taking with her the sanity and common sense she so often injected into the council’s proceedings. Jim Johnston and Steve Brown are both running for re-election, and former council member Roger Bray is vying to regain a seat after being ousted two years ago for voting his conscience about the non-discrimination ordinance. If it sounds like more of the same sound and fury signifying nothing, don’t be fooled. Voting for president may not do much good in this politically lopsided state, but electing local leaders has a direct, immediate, and lasting effect on your quality of life.

Please bear with me as I relate a case in point. A little more than fifty-three years ago, in March of 1962, the towns of Pocatello and Alameda held a vote that had enormous consequences on the lives of all their citizens. It was the first time residents of neighboring towns in Idaho had a direct voice in settling the question of whether or not to consolidate. Debate raged back and forth. Alameda was the Chubbuck or Eagle of its time, growing faster than any other town in the state, attracting new businesses faster than they could plot the land. Alameda residents were proud of their town and many had no desire to join themselves to a timeworn municipality.

In the days leading up to the event, articles and editorials regarding the vote abounded in the Idaho State Journal. The tone was a good deal more civil than our political discourse today. Strong opinions were expressed, but the general ideology was still rooted in the social contract that had been established during the Depression and strengthened during the 2^nd World War. Most people still believed in pulling together to make a better community in a way that was more than mere lip service.

The day after the election, the Journal trumpeted the results: Chubbuck would remain its own entity, but Pocatello and Alameda would consolidate making Pocatello the largest city in Idaho! When the numbers were broken down and reported, it became apparent how crucial civic participation was in making this historic move. While the citizens of Pocatello overwhelmingly voted to embrace both Chubbuck and Alameda, consolidation couldn’t happen without an affirmative vote from each municipality involved; the question came down to the 68 voters who cast their ballot for consolidation in Alameda and the 48 Chubbuck citizens who were against the move.

Take a moment and think about the difference those 116 people made in the shape of Pocatello’s destiny. What would life have been like had Chubbuck not voted to go its own way? Would Pocatello still be the largest city in Idaho? Would we have been able to keep more industry here? Would Pocatello have grown southward much earlier because that was the only way it could expand had Alameda not voted to join up?

Pocatello is currently governed by a body of six people plus a mayor. These people make all kinds of decisions regarding Pocatello life, both for now and the future. Many of the current felicities and foibles of Pocatello living can be traced to decisions of the city councils past and present. Pocatello friends, get out and vote! The city website makes it easy to see who’s running and what they stand for (http://www.pocatello.us/243/Elections). You can also see who didn’t get their information in on time for inclusion on the website. Please don’t be passive about this chance to have a say in what happens here in the place we call home. Cast your ballot! Make your voice heard! Vote!

Love and Divinity: Words from an Old Hag

“All men are divine.” During my time in Texas, this line became a mantra, a totem for many of us who were there in Corpus Christi. It was a beautiful affirmation of the worth of each individual and transformed us and those who witnessed us for the better. However, as with all divine messages, when taken alone or out of context, this decree of our worth can be distorted into a self-worshipping destruction of the very thing it should inspire: love.

All of us are indeed divine because of our origin. God lives in each one of us to some degree for He is both Life and Love. God is all around us all the time, whether in the heartbeat of a hummingbird, the photosynthesis of a plant, or the song of a mother to her child. He is in the transfer of oxygen and carbon dioxide in our blood. Love is Life and Life is Love.

All love requires some sacrifice. In the case of human relationships, sometimes it’s sacrifice of self for the sake of others and sometimes it’s sacrifice of others for the sake of self. The challenge we humans seem to face in life is knowing which of those two options is the best to choose in any given situation.

We live in an age that teaches us to love ourselves first. It’s really nothing new. Looking out for #1 has been a popular modus operandi since humans came to be. Sometimes, it is necessary to remove ourselves from situations where we are not being loved. Any form of malicious abuse can erode or quickly obliterate our ability to love others, so staying in that relationship accomplishes nothing good. We must leave so love can continue in us and be shared with others.

However, love of self and selfishness are not the same thing. Too often we shrug love off because it isn’t convenient to our purposes, getting in the way of some life plan or ambition. We violate relationships and turn away from love. The zeitgeist tells us we must be fulfilled before we can fulfill others. This has led many people to turn inward, focusing so much on themselves that they become blind, empty, and greedy, voraciously devouring resources to fill a bottomless chasm, further denying their connection to other people and blighting the world around them. While they might have accomplished the ends they initially sought, they are self-exiled, unconnected, alone in a world filled with people. As Jesus said, “…whosoever will save his life shall lose it and whosoever will lose his life for my sake shall find it. For what is a man profited if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?” (Matt. 16: 25-26 KJV)

As we see in nature, death is also life, for out of death springs new life. Again, Jesus said “Greater love hath no man than this, that a man lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15:13 KJV) When we choose to sacrifice ourselves for others, we give something of ourselves away, a death of sorts. It’s scary. It’s risky. It’s painful. However, new life grows in place of what was sacrificed, transforming us and those for whom we sacrificed into something wholly new. If we choose to nurture the newness with more love, although the healing and new growth can be initially painful, the new creatures that we become are more beautiful and more alive than we were before. Things we thought we needed, things we thought were vitally important to our happiness pale in comparison to the happiness we find in selflessly loving others. This is true in any relationship.

Choose love, my friends. No matter how hard or painful it seems, choosing love is always worth it. Preserving our ability to love is important, but more often than not we are able to do so by staying in the relationship, working through the hard things, choosing love again and again and again. If we do this, then our divinity is truly manifest in every aspect of our being.

We are divine. Choosing to love affirms that divinity. Choose love.