A Rolling Stone Reveals Dead Men's Bones

The cover was distasteful, reeking like a junior high bathroom. Miley Cyrus emerging from a swimming pool licking her bare shoulder, mascara bleeding from her wanton eyes. Rolling Stone was playing her game and pandering to the lowest common denominator. Then the smaller print below caught my eye. "The War on Gay Teens" it said. So instead of putting the magazine on the shelving rack, I checked it out and took it home to read. (http://www.rollingstone.com/culture/news/the-hidden-war-against-gay-teens-20131010)

On its surface, it looked like just another tired bleeding-heart liberal piece crying big crocodile tears over the plight of oppressed sexual misfits. That kind of stuff irks me because it usually just gives ammo to the haters. However, it quickly dug deeper, showing a link to tax-supported bullying and shaming in Christian schools. As I read, I got mad. Mad that people could be so hateful and devious all the while claiming that they were acting for Jesus Christ. Mad that this debate even exists.

I decided I wanted to post a link to the article on my Facebook page, a place I often go to when I need to process things like this by discussing them with my friends. In looking for the online version, I found another Rolling Stone article related to this topic. This one, published in 2012, examined how the policy of one school district in Minnesota contributed to a rash of suicides among its gay teens. My anger and revulsion increased. (http://www.rollingstone.com/politics/news/one-towns-war-on-gay-teens-20120202)

This is usually the point in the story where I consider abandoning my affiliation with Christianity, often to the extent of having my name removed from the records of my natal church. It's a common reaction and subsides over a short time. It happens in the privacy of my soul and I don't say much to anyone about it. This time, though, I decided to blog through it.

People are dying, killing themselves because of modern-day Pharisees. One of my favorite passages of scripture is Matthew 23:27 where Jesus dresses down the "church" power players of his day with these words: "Woe unto you, scribes and Pharisees, hypocrites! for ye are like unto whited sepulchres, which indeed appear beautiful outward, but are within full of dead men’s bones, and of all uncleanness." I can't stand injustice, and that's what I feel is going on in these schools, in our towns, in our country. People are using the stick of scripture and the cross of Christ to tread their brothers and sisters under their feet. There are times when I would love nothing more than to face all those outwardly religious people who do such hateful things and throw Christ's words right at them, reducing them to the same kind of self-loathing, guilty tears I, myself, have experienced.

But that's where MY bones are, and I can't give in to them. The only things I really want filling my insides are love for myself and those around me and the light of knowledge and truth. That's the only way to have personal peace in this turbulent world.

In those rare moments when I allow myself to be happy just as I am, it feels possible to be a whole person, free from the conflict and rage my soul usually harbors. Slowly, I'm moving on from this issue I've been hung up on since childhood, losing the need to prove anything to anyone, but it still consumes much of my thought and energy...and is taking up so much of my life, which is another blog post entirely.

What Doesn't Kill You Makes You Stronger

After reading a post regarding a Kansas bill that seeks to "protect" religious freedom by barring gays from suing bakers for refusal to make gay wedding cakes, I needed to post a rant somewhere and this is where it goes.

This bill passed the Kanses House of Representatives, looks to easily pass in the Republican-dominated Senate, and has already been praised by the notoriously-conservative governor. I think the reason this event raised my ire is a similar bill was tried in the Idaho legislature as well, though it was withdrawn for the time being by its sponsor, Rep. Luker.

I'm tired of both sides of this issue. I'm tired of "religious conservatives" and their self-righteousness. I'm also tired of litigious gay people who think that suing some small bakery who refused to make their wedding cake is some victory for civil rights. Neither side is right. Neither side is productively moving us all to a peaceful place of existence.

To the wounded God-fearers, I ask, how long did you think lording your moral superiority over those who don't fit into your Jesus-uptopia was going to go unchallenged? How long did you think you were going to get away with grinding your fellow human beings into the ground? It's time to stop being so easily offended by things you don't agree with. It's time to stop excluding your fellow beings from things that should be enjoyed by everyone.

To those gay people who are only making things worse, I say two wrongs don't make a right. Reverse-discrimination is still discrimination. Hitting someone back when they've hit you only perpetuates the cycle of hate and violence that has been perpetrated on gay people throughout recorded history. We have the power to end it and we should do so, not by shrinking away and hiding as has been done in the past, but by being a model of humanity, love, and respect for our fellow beings. This is how we can demonstrate our strength. The question we should always ask ourselves is "How would I feel if this were done to me?" Often, we already know the answer because whatever it is HAS been done to us. That doesn't mean we should return the behavior in kind.

Yesterday, in a Facebook conversation, a friend of mine told me that sometimes there isn't any middle ground, that some people are just wrong. I hear what he is saying, but I cannot and will not subscribe to an "us against them" mentality. Whether I agree with a person or not, they are still my fellow human being, my brother or my sister. I will not make them my enemy by viewing them as such, nor let them do the same. If they try to make me their enemy, they can only do so if I agree with that perception. Frankly, this is the only way to truly neutralize enmity and has been shown to be highly effective by the few brave enough to practice it.

The title of this blog is From Where I Stand, and what is it I stand for? I stand for peace and I stand for truth, as much as can be perceived. That is the only "side" I stand on.

Repeat After Me: Faith Over Fear

Yesterday, I shared on Facebook a web story from the Rachel Maddow Show about the recent rule change in the Democratically-dominated Senate.

(http://www.msnbc.com/rachel-maddow-show/dems-execute-nuclear-option)

It elicited a few comments, as might be expected. While I was grateful for the general civility in the tone of those comments, I couldn't help noticing the uneasily-restrained tension in most of them. After quoting from the Maddow Show post, I went on to respond this way:

'I have little respect for Senator Reid and I'm sure many Democrats will regret this action when the tables are turned, but at this point someone needed to hit the reset button.

For those of you in this discussion who believe in such things (and I do), if this country is going to hell in a handbasket, that just means Christ's return is more imminent due to the fulfillment of prophecy. He's the only one I really trust to heal what's wrong with us so why get so upset? When Jesus was educating His disciples on the signs of the Second Coming before He entered into Jerusalem as a mortal for the last time, He said "...see that ye be not troubled: for all these things must come to pass..." (Matt. 24:6) Over and over again he admonished those who followed Him not to be afraid.

I am not suggesting that we sit on our hands and wait for Jesus to fix all our problems. What I AM saying is that when we engage in this ridiculous political process, we do so in a spirit of faith, faith that we truly are in the Lord's hands, faith that short term frustrations are just that, faith that all things truly do work together for the good of them that love the Lord. This faith will calm the fear fueling our problems, allowing us all to pull back from the violently heated partisanship that has crippled our country. Then, at the very least, we are no longer a part of the problem and when the master of the house returns, we will be found feeding his sheep instead of beating them, verbally or otherwise.'

I really wanted to be more direct and call into question the faith of one of those commentators on my post who is a member of a certain prominent religion here in Idaho. I wanted to point out to him that all his whiny posts and comments about how hypocritical and bad the Democrats are and how unfair anyone with a "liberal agenda" is only points up his own hypocrisy. A couple weeks ago, when three LDS churches were vandalized with some really hateful graffiti, this person grumped about how it wouldn't be labeled a hate-crime, even though hate speech was used. He seemed to imply that he wasn't capable of that kind of hypocrisy. It galled me. Shouldn't a self-proclaimed follower of Jesus Christ be the first to turn the other cheek when wronged? How dare he imply that all "Liberals" were hypocrites?

I'm glad I didn't call him out on Facebook and prove him right. Allowing his public anger to beget more public anger would have only made the situation worse and is precisely the kind of thing that is tearing our nation apart. (Yes, I'm blogging about it here, but I've already claimed this soapbox as a place where I can process feelings.) It's time to choose faith over fear...and I think if I keep repeating that to myself, I'll be able to do it more consistently in all areas of my life and make my corner of the world better in the process.

Quick Thoughts on Poatello's Mayoral Race

Beside the Gould Street overpass, former Mayor Chase has plastered a billboard that promises "No More Wasteful Spending." I have it on good authority from people who were city employees during his "reign" that he didn't spend city money any better than it's been spent under Mayor Blad. It's also very presumptuous of him to say that he or Mayor Blad were alone in making the spending decisions. They can't spend anything of significance without the approval of the city council.

I also have it on good authority from those same employees that Mayor Chase never had a library card and only showed up to the library to meet the press. Mayor Blad, on the other hand, spent an entire day at the library during the first months of his term. He spent time in every department, including maintenance, working side by side with the library employees to learn what went into their jobs. He wanted to know who he was serving and what service they provided to the city. Who do I want for mayor? The man who wasn't afraid to roll up his sleeves.

Intellectual Honesty, or the Lack Thereof

Someone very close to me recently sent a link to The Witherspoon Institute's Public Discourse page. This particular post was made by a self-proclaimed gay man who chooses to live in a "straight" family situation. He makes some strong assertions about marriage equality based on his experiences and biases. Below is the link that was sent to me followed by my response to the person who sent it:

http://www.thepublicdiscourse.com/2013/03/9432/

B****,

I just read this e-mail. Thank you for bringing it to my attention. I appreciate the opportunity to dialogue about this view.

There are many objections I have to what this person says. Seeing that he is co-founder of the National Capital Tea Party Patriots, I can't say I'm surprised at what he says, but his reasoning is flawed and I'll tell you why. Please refer to his document if you have questions.

First, let me tell you what I DO agree with. His assertion that philia is often overlooked in favor of eros is an accurate one, though it's certainly not just gay culture that does so. It is culture in general that has become overly sexualized. Eros has gained an undue place in our cultural estimation at large, putting our social interactions out of a healthy balance.

Gay culture does, indeed, enshrine sex, but it is not alone in doing so. However, if you read between the lines of Mr. Mainwaring's Greek-word discourse, he basically accuses the majority of gay men of being the main culprits, sexually ravenous wolves who are incapable of non-sexual connection. It's the same type of hysteria that has fueled gay witch hunts for decades, including the one that occurred in Boise in 1955. You should look that up sometime. It had an impact on both of us even though we are two generations distant from the actual events.

The next thing I'd like to discuss is his assertions on the difference between straight and gay marriage. It must be borne in mind that he is speaking from his own experience and then presenting his experience as fact in opposition to the experience of others. He says that in spite of having to repress certain sexual desires, he found marriage rewarding. OF COURSE he found marriage rewarding! The profound companionship provided by marriage is very fulfilling, speaking from my limited, peripheral experience. However, he uses his experiences with men after his divorce to assert that marriage between two men would be less fulfilling. How does he know that? He was never married to a man! And from the tone of everything else he says, even his long-term relationships with other men would have been colored with his prejudice against homosexuality. It's no wonder he didn't find them as fulfilling! (I have experienced similar difficulty in experiencing fulfillment, not because I'm trying to make it work with another guy, but because I was programmed from the beginning to believe it was wrong to try. With that attitude it's very hard to open myself and invest in the relationship because I'm scared it's doomed to fail...thus becoming a self-fulfilling prophecy. I'm very lucky that Chris is so dedicated and has stayed with me as I've struggled with this.)

And as for Mr. Mainwaring's children, they began life while he was still married to his wife. Of course they are going to be happier and feel safer with them back together! What child DOESN'T want their separated parents to kiss and make up? And his assertions that children are deprived if they don't have parents of opposite genders is just false. There is no objective empirical evidence that supports this, and in fact, the unbiased data that HAS been gathered refutes this notion. He can believe it if he wants, but to state it as fact shows his lack of the very intellectual honesty he says he has.

Is sexuality fluid? Absolutely! Do straight people and gay people alike shy away from this truth? Yes, because of how much easier it is to slap a label on someone complete with a code of acceptable behavior. People want things to be black and white because then they don't have to think. They don't have to reason. They don't have to put forth the intellectual and spiritual effort to discern the truth, to see things as they are. And who is this man to judge the lives of his acquaintances as "diminished?" He conveniently avoids the exploration and discussion of the consequences of a mixed-orientation marriage's end. Do these men struggle to find a new identity? Of course! Do they often then rely on tired stereotypes and fall in with the cultural "Sex is everything" message? Absolutely! Does it have to be that way? Absolutely NOT! But denying marriage to gay people only perpetuates the tired stereotypes and leaves these men with few clear options as they seek to begin a new life. Divorce is hard enough but to do so while coming out is exponentially traumatic.

I agree that we, as a society, need to be very, very careful not to allow the government to intrude where it doesn't belong, namely the home. His dystopian scenario is certainly a possible reality, and in fact, we already see elements of it coming to pass in many aspects of our lives. The struggle to maintain our liberties has never been more dire, but the kind of alarmist rhetoric this man employs only muddies the waters and makes it more difficult to focus on the real issues at hand.

So...I guess you can tell I didn't think much of what Mr. Mainwaring had to say. He states truths and then uses them to support false premises. He also makes the very dangerous mistake of thinking that his experience is the only valid point of view. I find his audacity offensive, and I try very hard not to be one who is easily offended.

Again, I appreciate that you shared this with me. I hope you take my remarks in the spirit of discussion in which they were initiated.

love and deep respect,

Trent

Bigger Than a Million Pride Parades

[This post was concurrently made on From Where I Stand's parent blog, All One Peace.]

The day I was confirmed a member of the LDS Church, my father gave me a blessing as is the custom. In it, he told me to walk in the right path so others would know they would be safe to follow me. That admonition has stayed with me since the day I received it and often kept me from doing things I might have later regretted. It has also weighed heavily on me as I’ve followed a path other than the one I was taught. That’s why the following message from a friend, sent via Facebook, filled me with a number of conflicting emotions:

Just wanted to say that I loved the article you posted. […] I think Prop 8 was when many of us were forced to take a stand one way or another. My stake was one of the ones asked to make phone calls to people in California, and it made me really have to consider what the still, small voice inside of me was telling me to do.

Side note: although I knew and was friends with plenty of gay people before, you were the first person who came out who I trusted to make good decisions for yourself. I know it sounds incredibly judgmental of me, but it is what it is. When I found out that you were gay, it was different—it became a real thing in my mind. I knew it must have been an incredibly difficult decision for you, and I knew you lived a life close to God. This wasn’t a choice that you had made lightly, and you weren’t just “confused” or trying to get attention. Because I had known and respected you for so long, I suddenly had to take this whole homosexual thing seriously.

So back to making phone calls to California. I was terrified they would ask me to do it. And while I have a testimony of living prophets, I also have a testimony that the still, small voice inside of me is a personal guide. And after you came out, I had to start asking the still, small voice whether it thought you were doing something evil or whether you were the same Trent you had always been. Suddenly the still, small voice was saying a different thing than what Boyd K. Packer was saying. Which to choose? And I also knew that this was just a small shadow of what you were going through. At least for me it was all theoretical without a big impact in my life; I knew that you had struggled with a much bigger question with huge impacts for you and your family.

So…I didn’t make the phone calls in California, and when gay marriage came up on the Washington ballot last year (I can still vote in the state of Washington) I happily voted for it. I decided to trust the still, small voice instead of the infallibility of prophets. This is still a struggle. And I’m not turning my profile picture red and all that, mainly because I’m not happy with the actions of either political side so I don’t want to align myself with a certain political group. I’ve also been trying to avoid getting into the arguments about it lately, except when I have to. Maybe I’m just a coward, but the “discussions” just seem to lead to contention and make people dig in their heels even more. But the spirit of the movement has my support.

And this whole long story is mean [sic.] to explain to you why I suggested you[…]and everyone else keep sharing your stories. Your personal story had a bigger impact on my personal prejudices than a million gay pride parades.

I’ve known this person since we were children. As I read her message I was reminded yet again of my father’s words. Suddenly there was doubt. Was I leading people in unsafe paths? Was the way I live my life causing people to stray from the true faith? What was I going to have to account for when I faced God?

Yet, I couldn’t help feeling some gratification, even vindication. Her beautifully-worded final sentence made me smile. I’ve sometimes been told I should get angry and assert myself, facing down those who oppose me with fire and force. I’ve specifically been criticized for the way I choose to support “The Cause.” My friend confirms for me yet again that angry militancy changes nothing for the better. Unconditional love and mutual respect will always go further in uniting hearts and minds to heal the world than any flamboyant or violent “in-your-face” display.

All those voices, inner and outer, telling me I had abandoned my calling and betrayed my gifts aren’t necessarily right. Being a true follower of Christ isn’t easy and it involves a lot of stepping out into the darkness, identifying and trusting the right inner voice to lead the way. It’s a struggle for me, too.

The blessing my father gave me is being fulfilled after all. It doesn’t involve me being some great bishop or stake president or any kind of leader, Church or otherwise. I’m simply doing my best to understand and heed what the light inside is telling me to do and then telling my story as authentically as I can. If that helps others to follow the light inside them, I’m glad.

When I face my Savior, I know I’ll have things to account for. Hopefully, I won’t suffer for them too long. In the end, I trust His love and grace to make up the difference after I’ve done all I can do.

We’re all in this together and I’m really glad my friend reached out to share her story. In doing so, she helped me continue to trust the light I feel and become all one peace.

Stay Outta' My Kitchen

Last week, I shared a Facebook post about my friend Jeff's experience in a locker room where he overheard two prominent men in the community discussing the pending anti-discrimination ordinance here in Pocatello. The husband of a friend of mine, who I'll call Thomas, decided to call bullshit because Jeff, wisely, didn't name any names. This guy called Jeff a cry-baby and continued to rave in an ill-worded, embarrassingly-misspelled comment about how Jeff should have handled the situation.

Needless to say, the reaction from Jeff and many other friends of mine to this name calling was strong. Thomas apologized to me via comment, but I replied that he should be apologizing to Jeff since he was who took the brunt of Thomas's verbiage  Ultimately, Thomas unfriended me and made me his enemy. He has since sent me a couple of private messages, one attempting reconciliation and the other threatening me that he would become a monster of my making if I didn't publicly shield him from the continuing comments of my friends. Between those two messages, I accepted his olive branch and told him I had no hard feelings. After the second message, I'm not sure I can still say that and mean it.

So this is the rule for anyone posting comments on my Facebook page: If you make an ass of yourself publicly but refuse to apologize just as publicly, don't expect me to come to your rescue. I will allow you to hang by your own rope. In fact, I might even enjoy watching you twist in the wind of consequence, at least until you get a clue and own your mistake like a grown-up.