I Feel My Saviour's Love

I've been looking for something to dissipate the anger I've been feeling over the last couple days. Anger is poison when it isn't given vent. It's like a boil that isn't lanced, or an abscess that isn't drained. It festers and kills all the healthy tissue around it.

For the most part, I've held in my anger, not allowing myself to respond to the direct and indirect accusations, insinuations, and other contentious words thrown around, both at me and people I care about BY people I care about. I accept that, according to one of those indirect accusations, I might have carelessly started the fire, but I didn't want it to spread any further. It was my mess and I wanted to quench it and clean it up as ethically as I could.

However, holding in all that anger wasn't good for me. In the privacy of my own company, I ranted and raved, and spoke many of the angry things I didn't dare write, all to no avail. There was something unsatisfying about not being able to land the intended blows. "Be careful who you make your enemy, for you shall become them..." and I had. I had become one of those people that had sparked the whole incident in the first place, hateful and harboring resentment. I didn't want to be this person. I felt like I had lost myself.

And then the words came to me, like salve on a sunburn: "But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you [or unfriend you], do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you." (Matt. 5:44, with a small 2012 addition)

My Saviour's words restored my soul. Although I had been saying for the past week that love was the answer, I wasn't feeling it until His words brought it back to me. Suddenly, I had hope again, hope that the sharp divisions between myself and loved ones could be resolved, hope that the country could be healed instead of lapsing into secession, hope that we could survive the fulfillment of the dire prophesies for our future.

Now I'm grateful for the past two days. The adversity has given me strength and reminded my soul of its center. This is why I don't cut people out of my life when the relationship is rocky. Hopefully, their contact with me is reciprocally beneficial.

We all have beams and motes in our vision, but the Saviour's love makes them less blinding. I offer my thanks to you all, and I ask forgiveness from those I have offended as I let go of the offences that briefly took me down. From where I stand, I feel a little more all one peace. I hope you do, too.

(Also posted to http://allonepeace.blogspot.com/ )

A Very Good Place to Start

Two days ago, wisdom and reason deserted me. I was coming down with a cold and not feeling entirely myself, so I vented a thought to my Facebook wall about the 12th Article of Faith in the LDS Church. I had seen so much negativity and could no longer keep from taking it personally. As a gay man, it seemed that I was being held responsible for the downfall of the United States. My fellow citizens felt it was time to part ways because I was so repugnant. I was the epitome of "abomination." (Look that up in the LDS Bible Dictionary.)

After making the post, I had to leave my apartment for a couple of hours, and I was totally unprepared for the avalanche of emotion and conflict I found when I returned. Even after I asked for it to stop, it kept coming. Two family members were very upset with me, and one person unfriended me after making some very snide, cynical observations about my character.

Over the past two days, I've been debating with myself about what course of action I should take. It is obvious to me that right now, if I wish to maintain relationships with some people, I need to keep my thoughts and feelings to myself. It's important to me because I've found that the only way to create harmony between people of opposing views is to love them. I can't do that if they cut themselves off from me. However, I also need a place to be myself. So, from now on, when I have something to say, this will be my first resort. The public forum of Facebook will only contain thoughts that I've considered carefully. If it's there, it's intentional. This blog will be where I explore my thoughts and feelings so I can clarify them, distill them, and master them. Feel free to help me in that process.

That said, I will have no problem editing, deleting, or otherwise controlling the response I receive here. This is my safe place, people. If you're here, it's by invitation. You are my guest and I expect you to behave like one. If you find yourself booted for any reason, cry foul all you want. You've been warned and I will not care.

So, let's start at the very beginning...