For the most part, I've held in my anger, not allowing myself to respond to the direct and indirect accusations, insinuations, and other contentious words thrown around, both at me and people I care about BY people I care about. I accept that, according to one of those indirect accusations, I might have carelessly started the fire, but I didn't want it to spread any further. It was my mess and I wanted to quench it and clean it up as ethically as I could.
However, holding in all that anger wasn't good for me. In the privacy of my own company, I ranted and raved, and spoke many of the angry things I didn't dare write, all to no avail. There was something unsatisfying about not being able to land the intended blows. "Be careful who you make your enemy, for you shall become them..." and I had. I had become one of those people that had sparked the whole incident in the first place, hateful and harboring resentment. I didn't want to be this person. I felt like I had lost myself.
And then the words came to me, like salve on a sunburn: "But I say unto you, Love your enemies, bless them that curse you [or unfriend you], do good to them that hate you, and pray for them which despitefully use you, and persecute you." (Matt. 5:44, with a small 2012 addition)
My Saviour's words restored my soul. Although I had been saying for the past week that love was the answer, I wasn't feeling it until His words brought it back to me. Suddenly, I had hope again, hope that the sharp divisions between myself and loved ones could be resolved, hope that the country could be healed instead of lapsing into secession, hope that we could survive the fulfillment of the dire prophesies for our future.
Now I'm grateful for the past two days. The adversity has given me strength and reminded my soul of its center. This is why I don't cut people out of my life when the relationship is rocky. Hopefully, their contact with me is reciprocally beneficial.
We all have beams and motes in our vision, but the Saviour's love makes them less blinding. I offer my thanks to you all, and I ask forgiveness from those I have offended as I let go of the offences that briefly took me down. From where I stand, I feel a little more all one peace. I hope you do, too.
(Also posted to http://allonepeace.blogspot.com/ )
Holding in your anger isn't healthy (it literally shortens your life by years), but it's how to be rid of it properly that's the tricky part. We should all be on a journey towards becoming better human beings, but you might be a little further up the road than me, at least in that regard. I usually don't have a problem venting my anger, but I never truly escape it either. My temper controls me as often as I control it, and I usually end up causing emotional hurt to the people I love the most. I work on improving that area of my life more than anything else. It is nice to know someone else sometimes struggles as well, even if you have gotten to some solid ground I can't quite reach yet. Thanks for the wise words, Trent.
ReplyDeleteYour stubborn resolve to act the right way in the midst of your contrary and contradictory life situation never ceases to amaze me. It's something that you've always had I think, but it has been developing greatly in the last few years. We both have had to learn to "grow up" in our circumstances. I think Heaven notices you.
ReplyDelete